I invited all our BRNs to SALT Leadership 20 and was initially surprised that I offended some people in our company. Having done some soul searching and research I wanted to find a way to build a bridge and understand the perspective of my co-workers. What I've come to realize is that there is a gap between what we intend and what's received, between what words mean to us and what they mean to others. Love is Love, or is it? Even that old post is "Minnesota nice, passive aggressive." I know from personal experience with estranged family that my words don't always land in a way that shows I'm "Christ's ambassador." I'm asking God to open my heart and mind to people in a way that I can see Christ in the person I'm talking to. A person that looks like Jesus describes himself in Matthew 25.
For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’...
“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’...
“And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’
“And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life.”
Here is a comparison table that shows common Christian phrases that sound kind and with how it feels to an "outsider." It shows the gap between intent and impact, and offers reconciliation-oriented alternatives that protect truth while reducing harm.
| Common Christian Phrase (sounds kind) | What Christians Usually Mean | How People Often Experience It as Unsafe | Reconciliation-Oriented Alternative |
|---|---|---|---|
| “We love the sinner but hate the sin.” | We want to separate a person’s worth from behavior we believe is sinful. | It sounds like their core identity is being labeled as “sinful,” not just behavior. | “We believe every person has full dignity before God, and we want to understand your story as a person first.” |
| “You are always welcome here.” | You can attend, hear teaching, and be part of community. | “Welcome as long as you stay quiet about who you are.” Conditional belonging. | “You are welcome here as a whole person. We may hold different beliefs, but your safety and dignity are not up for debate.” |
| “The Bible is clear on this.” | Our convictions are rooted in Scripture, not personal bias. | “Your life has already been judged. Dialogue is not actually open.” | “Our convictions are shaped by Scripture, and we also want to listen carefully to lived experience.” |
| “God’s design is male and female.” | We affirm a creation-based theology of sex and marriage. | Non-binary and trans identities feel erased and invalidated at the outset. | “We hold a specific theological view of creation, and we also acknowledge that human experience is complex and deeply personal.” |
| “Your identity should be in Christ, not your sexuality.” | All believers are called to root identity in Christ above all else. | Feels like a refusal to recognize how central their lived identity actually is. | “Faith reshapes all of us over time, and your full story matters in how that process unfolds.” |
| “We all struggle with sin.” | Everyone is equally broken and in need of grace. | It equates their committed relationships with hidden compulsions like addiction. | “Every person wrestles with brokenness in different ways. We want to understand your experience without minimizing it.” |
| “God can change anyone.” | We believe in transformation through the Holy Spirit. | Implies their orientation or gender identity must be fixed to be loved or faithful. | “We trust God’s work in every person’s life and do not want to define the timeline or outcome for you.” |
| “Pride is a sin.” | We oppose pride as self-exaltation over God. | It directly attacks LGBTQ Pride as dangerous, not as survival or dignity. | “We hold a different understanding of pride, and we also recognize the deep pain and survival history behind Pride events.” |
| “We speak the truth in love.” | We believe honesty is an expression of love. | Often experienced as “truth first, love later,” especially when love feels absent. | “We want to be truthful and also ensure our words do not cause unnecessary harm.” |
| “We welcome everyone, but we do not affirm every lifestyle.” | Moral disagreement without social exclusion. | Their committed relationships are reduced to a “lifestyle choice.” | “We may not agree on sexual ethics, but we respect your relationships as meaningful and real.” |
| “The Bible says homosexuality is a sin.” | Moral conviction based on interpretation of Scripture. | Identity-level condemnation, not just behavior. | “Christians interpret Scripture in a particular way on sexuality, and we recognize that these conversations impact real people’s lives.” |
| “Jesus calls us to repentance.” | All people are called to turn from sin toward God. | They feel singled out as uniquely in need of repentance. | “Repentance is a lifelong calling for all of us, not a label placed on one group.” |
Key Pattern This Table Reveals
-
Christian intent is usually about moral theology and faithfulness.
-
LGBTQ impact is usually about identity, safety, and dignity.
-
The conflict is rarely about hatred.
-
It is almost always about language collapsing behavior into identity.
Safety is lost when theological clarity is communicated without relational humility.
A Reconciliation Posture That Actually Builds Trust
If your goal is dialogue rather than debate, the posture that consistently lowers defenses is:
-
Name your conviction without weaponizing it.
-
Name their dignity without conditions.
-
Make listening visible, not implied.
-
Avoid language that turns a person’s life into an abstract moral example.
A strong, balanced sentence many churches successfully use is:
“We hold historic Christian convictions about sexuality, and we are committed to being a place where LGBTQ+ people experience real safety, dignity, and honest conversation without fear or shame.”
Possible training to this end: Truth with tenderness: leading without spiritual harm in conversations
No comments:
Post a Comment