The possibility of repentance (Malachi 2:16; Matthew 19:6; 1 Corinthians 7)

Years ago BSF was studying Revelation and I had my nephews over for the weekend and did a lesson over breakfast. The children's lesson had fill in the blanks that were really obvious, like for Revelation 2:3, "You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary."

I asked the boys, what's an example of hardship you have to endure. They couldn't think of anything, then the oldest said; I know a hardship is a friendship that's hard. 

Those boys are in high school now and one of them said "Ben, you changed our lives forever back then, you introduced us to Taco Bell." Not exactly the impact statement I've hoped for, but I love those guys and I'm proud of them.

Now we're gearing up for Revelation study in 2024-205 and I'm reaching out to potential leaders to lead BSFOnline.org groups. I was reading leadership requirements and found this area on marriage qualifications. 

Even though there is a biblical basis for divorce (one’s spouse is guilty of porneia), the person should seek to persevere and protect the marriage if there is any possibility of repentance (Malachi 2:16; Matthew 19:6; 1 Corinthians 7). The first steps are to pray, seek biblical counseling through a local church or an organization such as Peacemaker Ministries, and trust God to bring reconciliation. God has done many miracles in marriages through this approach.

I have friends I've been able to reconnect with over the past few days that are struggling in their marriage. These words jumped out for me "For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage." 1 Cor 7:14

Both husband and wife is persevering and enduring hardship in their life together. I know they're faith in the Lord and pray for them not to grow weary. From the outside it's easy to "take sides" and divorce seems like an appropriate answer. But prayer and Biblical counseling welcomes the Lord to work miracles. 

I'm grateful for my wife Kim and appreciate her dedication to our marriage through out the ups and downs. Each day is better than the previous.

Read More ->>

Marriage is God's idea showing us new life in Christ (Gen 2:24, Matt 19:3-12, Eph 5:21-33)

 Matthew 19

A) Marriage is God's idea between man and woman, together like Christ and the church

1-2) Galilee to Judea (about 6 hour walk), large crowd followed healed them there

3) Pharisees test him, "is divorce lawful for every reason?"

4-6) "Creator made them male and female, marriage makes them one flesh, what God joined let no one separate" Gen 2:24, Eph 5:31-32 

 - God joined us together in Christ (Eph 5:21-33)

7-9) Moses command about divorce was permitted because of hard hearts, anyone who divorces/remarries commits adultery. (Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Matthew 5:31) 

• Matthew 5:29-30) Cut out anything that causes sin in your life
• Matthew 5:31-33) divorce produces victims of adultery, don't break your oath fulfill to the Lord the vows you made
• Matthew 5:34-37) Don’t make conditional vows, simply say YES or NO

10-12) Marriage vow not acceptable? live like a eunuch for the kingdom of heaven, but if you can accept the vow.

Read More ->>

Why any young person wants to get married?

 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. - Genesis 2:24 ESV

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ... 1 Corinthians 7:1-40 ESV

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. - Hebrews 13:4 ESV

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. - Proverbs 18:22 ESV

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? - 2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ...Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ... Ephesians 5:25-33 ESV

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. - Proverbs 19:14 ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. - 1 Peter 3:7 ESV

And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” ... Matthew 19:2-9 ESV

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. - 1 Corinthians 7:39 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, - Ephesians 5:25 ESV

And the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” - Mark 10:8-12 ESV 

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” - Genesis 2:18 ESV

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. - Ephesians 5:33 ESV

Read More ->>

A trustworthy servant, directed by God brings Rebekah to Isaac (Gen 24)

 Main Point: People who trust in the Lord, are trustworthy in relationships Gen 24

A) Abraham asks for help from a trusted servant to get a wife for Issac

24:1-9) Abraham oath Sr. servant, bring wife for Isaac from my Ur not Canaanite, Isaac stays

Principle: "Companionship Is that which teaches mortals everything." Proverbs 27:17 

Application: Who are my trusted companions in life? Where is God leading me to make genuine friendships?

B) Servant seeks God's help to honor Abraham's desire

10-21) Servant started journey, prays specifically sign, then Rebekah gives water/camels too

 - 21 Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful.

22-27) Servant gives gold $10k, gets invited her home, worshiped Lord, "God blessed Abraham and led me here"

Principle: worship is the natural response to answered prayers

Application: Is my prayer life vibrant and natural? Is my worship from a heart that sees God's intervention in my life?

C) Rebakah and family agree to the Servant's trustworthiness and Isaac receives his wife

28-33) Rebakah's brother Leban greets the servant, prepares his food, but first servant must speak

34-49) "I'm Abraham's servant, LORD blessed/wealth, sent me for son's wife, LORD answered with Rebekah

 - 49 Now if you will show kindness and faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, so I may know which way to turn.”

50-61) Leban, Bethuel acknowledge the LORD, give willing Rebekah wife of Isaac, costly gifts

62-67) Servant tells Isaac everything, Rebekah became his wife, he loved her

Read More ->>

Sarah dies, Abraham honors her w expensive burial (Gen 23)

 Gen 23, 

23:1-4) Sarah dies 127, Kiriath Arb (Hebron, Canaan), after mourning "sell property, cemetery"

5-6) Hitties: you're a prince, pick the choicest tomb - we won't refuse

7-9) Abraham: listen, intercede w/Ephron to sell cave of Machpelah, full price

10-11) Ephron heard: No, I give to you in presence of my people

12-13) Abraham bowed: I will pay, accept it

14-16) Ephron: 400 shekels of silver, Abraham agreed

17-20) Ephron's field, Machpelah, Mamre deeded, Sarah buried

Funerals like weddings are expensive and wonderful

Read More ->>

My wife Kim, displaying Christ (Proverbs 31:10-31)

Second best decision I made was to marry Kim, first was trusting Jesus as Lord and Savior.

She.. works with her (willing) hands in delight.
PROVERBS 31:13 NASB

She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
PROVERBS 31:26 NASB

Found what I thought  was a random church in Washington DC, on mother's day with my mom. She heard about the church from a friend. Then after awesome worship, the pastor preaching is David Platte. My mom didn't know who he is. He wrote the book Radical. Wowza.  Super fun!

Here's notes from his sermon:
God's grace covers your past, relationship and redemption (Romans 8:1)
Empowers your present, guarantees your future
Men's work, Eph 5:25-28
- lay down my life, so she'll grow in Christ-likeness, experience all God has defined for her.

Proverbs is for single men. Seek out a Godly, Christ-like wife. Lots of examples of not Christ like woman in Proverbs.

Don't be tempted by confusion in our culture.

Character traits to promote in woman
- acrostic A-Z,
W - wise (Proverbs 1:7,13:13-15,31:26)
O - honorably oversees her home (Proverbs 31:11, he trust his wife)
M - mighty  (Proverbs 31:17,25,13,19,27,14,16,24) uses time, sharp mind, and strong body.
A - Attractive in all the right ways.i.e., Wise and kind words. She's delightful to her husband (Proverbs 18 he delights in his wife)
N - neighbor to the needy, gives generously and serves sacrificialy. Deny yourself, give your life for others. Not "run over" but wise. (Proverbs

I'm so grateful I see all these in Kim, what an answer to prayer. So many years later, God is faithful to answer prayer according to his will. How great to discover all he has in store for us. The best. Amen.

Read More ->>

When we struggle with the meaning of life, conversations help

I was talking with my "spiritual but not religious" friend about family life and our responsibilities that last a lifetime. The idea was is spending your life to bring people into this world really worth it? He brought up Gene Theory and we talked about how really good it is to give your life for the benefit of another. Contrasted with living selfishly, where the end result is loneliness, shame and a series of "guilty pleasures".

Then later in the day, I was talking with another friend about homosexuality and drug abuse in the church - both of which he was struggling with.  He was saying that condemning a gay person to a life of singleness seems unbearable, essentially shutting the door of heaven in their face. When we are vulnerable to temptations, it seems unbearable. However, this is where fellowship with other believers and being connected in Christ, fed by His word and active in prayer comes in to save us. We talked until 8pm, having not eaten - but both felt enriched (Jesus demonstrates how bringing people to faith can nourish us). The awesome truth is that God has made the way, in Jesus Christ to save even people who have traveled down a different road for so much of their life.

Another friend put it this way,

 The New Testament is full of stories where Jesus, the Disciples and others engaged lost people in gracious and loving conversation. Lost people do lost people things. That should never surprise us.
It’s important to remember that Jesus died and rose again to change our NATURE, not our BEHAVIOR. When we focus on behaviors, activities and actions that we call sin, we miss the key principle of redemption....

• We become a NEW CREATION
• We have a NEW FATHER
• We have a NEW IDENTITY 

Focusing on sinful behaviors causes division among Christians and is a non starter when trying to engage a lost person. 

The idea of holding each other to God's standard in the church is actually better for us, however, ministry in the nursery is not the same as a ministry to missionaries. 

Read More ->>

Relationships in heaven and earth (living with God, loving-kindness to others)

During a recent Alpha class my friend Cody just found out that Jesus was physically resurrected some 2000 years ago. As we talked about heaven he was wondering what happens to our special relationships, do we have a wife, what if she remarries, who will be her husband. As he was genuinely asking I thought, Jesus addressed this specifically in Matthew 22. This whole discussion made to think more broadly about relationships_in_heaven.

Matthew 22:1-14,15-22,23-33,34-40,41-46
Kingdom of heaven like a great wedding feast for the king's son (1-14)
 - But the invited guest ignored them, went their own way, farm/business (5)
 - Others killed the messengers (6), king destroys murderers, invites anyone to come good or bad (7-10)
 - the king rejected a guest who wasn't clothed for the event (11-13)
 - Many are called few are chosen (14)

Pharisees try to trap Jesus with flattering words but Jesus knew their evil motives (15-22)
 - plot (15-16a), "teacher, your honest, teaching way of God truthfully, impartial" (16b-17)
 - Taxes? Jesus looks at the coin, whose name is on it? "Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, give to God what belongs to God" (19-21)

Sadducees think re-marriages and death during our lifetime will cause conflict at the resurrection (23-28)

Jesus says, "Your mistake is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know the power of God. For when the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage. In this respect they will be like the angels in heaven.
But now, as to whether there will be a resurrection of the dead—haven’t you ever read about this in the Scriptures? Long after Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob had died, God said, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.’ So he is the God of the living, not the dead.” (Matthew 22:29-32)

Pharisees asked about the most important commandment, Jesus says "love God, love people" (34-40)
Jesus asks them, "what do you think about the Messiah, whose son is he?"
  - "son of David"
 - Jesus: why does David under the inspiration of the Spirit call the Messiah 'my Lord'? (Psalm 110:1)
 - Since David called the Messiah 'my Lord,' how can the Messiah be his son? - no one could answer him, no one dared to asked more questions

Jesus rebukes teachers of religious law and Pharisees, do what they tell you, but don't follow their example (they don't practice what they teach).
Hypocrites
 - Crush people with unbearable religious demands, never lift a finger to ease the burden
 - everything for show
 - love honor from others instead of humble, service to God for the benefit of others
 - shut the door of the Kingdom of Heaven in people's faces, shamelessly cheat widows of property (Mark 12:40, Luke 20:47)
 - turn converts into twice the child of hell (15)
 - Blind guides, fools put money above people and God, careful to tithe but neglect justice, mercy and faith (16-26)
 - inside full of greed and self-indulgence, like a new tomb - beautiful on outside but dead inside (25-27

Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness. (28)

Read More ->>

How the Bible defines "Love your wife" (Col 3:19)

I'm enjoying Every Man a Warrior (EMAW) and our small group had some great insight into the scriptures. I've been fascinated by the wisdom in the Bible and how good it is at solving problems in the world. The classic example is "when is a thief no longer a thief?" The world says when they stop stealing but the Bible says,

"Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. Eph 4:28)"

The cure for thieves is to be hardworking and generous.

So when asking different people how to obey the command "Love your wife", you'd hear a variety of answers. Colossians 3:19 says,
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. NIV
 - How? Start with Jesus: Jesus teaches about Living Water at Festival of Tabernacles
Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. NASB
 - Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with ever form of malice (Eph 4:31)
A husband must love his wife and not abuse her. CEV
 - Be like Christ who gave Himself up for the her (Eph 5:25,  1 Peter 3:7)

Clearly roles matter, "Husbands" - "Love your wife" by not being harsh, embittered or abusive.

Or to be put positively Husbands love your wife by being gentle, encouragingly engaged, enduring to honor.
 - Think of wedding vows;
"I, Ben, take thee, Kim, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith."

Read More ->>

My Marriage Commitment

It is my privilege to show my love for Jesus by caring for my wife-to love her, show her honor, try to understand her, and to give up my life and rights for her.
John 14:21; Eph 5:25; 1 Peter 3:7
It is my privilege to show my love for Jesus - John 14:21, Jesus gave commandments so that I would keep them because I love him John 14:15. It's a privilege because when I do, Jesus will disclose Himself to me.
by caring for my wife-to love her, - Eph 5:25 Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, he models the love I have for my wife
show her honor, try to understand her, and to give up my life and rights for her. - 1 Peter 3:7, live with her in an understanding way, honor as fellow heir of grace so my prayers won't be hindered.

Read More ->>

Gospel Impacts our Relationships

"How the Gospel Impacts our Relationships" - Colossians 3:18-25 - Troy Dobbs

Watch • Listen •  Outline •  Study Guide

Belief and life should not have any gap

The Lordship of Jesus is stressed in every part of life

See in the Lord 

Uniqueness of people and roles. Honour the Lord in different ways. 

God's design is not a uniformity of roles a uniformity in relation to Christ.

Some despise their role....

...but Jesus infuses each role with value. Unique value, different in function. 

Wives, submit - fitting in the Lord. 

- submit means to place oneself under, to have a covering. Willingness. Jesus to Father 1 Cor 15:28, Us to one another ephesians 5:21

- structure 

- fitting in the Lord, don't submit if he's not "in the Lord". Based on the Lord, not your husband. Christ honouring woman, worships God in submission to his ordained structure. 

- function does not equal value  (?). All people are equally valuable..

- creates unity, life giving

Husbands love, fathers do not provoke

- gracious, kindhearted

- not harsh, not discouraging. Sharp, painful, embittered words. Language, words are only 18% of what's communicated - watch what you communicate. 

- Ephesians 5:23, as Christ heads church

- primary responsibility, but not a solo responsibility 

- initiative, not passive. Don't check out. 

- Ephesians 5:25, as Christ gave his life.

- the cross

- our words, wives and children. 

Children obey parent's, please Lord 

- motivation for obedient children is to please the Lord, not their happiness. 

- hear parents voice, move, act - when they say to and what they say to do.

- respectful,

Employees serve with sincerity 

- Slaves...old not relevant. What about the rest? hermeneutics .

- doing your best, or doing what's required?

- work hard, not just when boss is present. 

- work as worship, serve God 

- Jesus centered workers will be held accountable col 3:25

- Reputation: according to boss, co-workers, work products? 

Bottom line, Jesus doesn't ask us to do something he wasn't willing to do.

- he submitted, not counting equally with God

- he loved us, in spite if our failures 

- he obeyed went to cross

- he served

It's good news

- cooperation not competition 

- unity, order not kaos, harmony 

- shows how to please God 

- leads to life and blessings 

- challenge to trust God instead of culture. It's a test to see if we will trust God or culture. It takes humility. Remember this is Christ centered advice. 

I want to do what the Bible says.

Read More ->>

Love is Love, or is it?

In the book Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, he describes five ways to express and experience love called "love languages". These love languages are universal across cultures and time boundaries and are described as gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion) and physical touch (intimacy). What’s not mentioned in the book is that in tennis, love means nothing. Literally when someone has not scored, their score is "love". Love can be confusing, not just the word but all that it conjures in one's mind. Christians can seem bigoted against the LGBTQ community when it comes to love, however the message I'd like to share with you is love (and not the kind that means nothing).

What's the big deal about Love?
God is Love (1 John 4:16) - His very character is love. Some may think "what do you mean 'His' character..." Well the Bible clearly shows our God is masculine: Father, Son, Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19) and created mankind (Genesis 1:26), Genesis 2:7-8, shows us that the God who by the act of speaking made the heavens and earth did something that surprised the heck out of me when I read it. The Bible shows us that "Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground" and "Lord God planted a garden in Eden". Imagine the Creator God, getting down on the ground to form the man with his hands and planting a garden with his hands and then "there he put the man whom he had formed" (again with his hands). Friends this is a personal, caring deep love that we see God has for mankind since the very beginning.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” From the earth God created every living thing, yet God made woman from one of Adam's ribs - and Adam was ecstatic saying, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man.” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

What's the big deal about sex outside of marriage?
To put it positively:
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance... When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely."  1 Corinthians 13:4-13

These words from 1 Corinthians 13 are the most frequently quoted Bible verses at weddings, waiting till marriage to have sex is patient and kind to your spouse, who has agreed to married you. When we are young we don't see the wisdom in these words, we see things imperfectly and likewise we love people imperfectly. Think of anyone you love and remember how imperfectly you've shown your love for them. So my point is God is Love, we are lower than God and don't fully get it, but God knows me completely and will show me his way is right when I obey him.

Going against society in choosing to wait for marriage is possible, we a handsome rich young man was able to resist the hottest girl in town in Genesis 39:7-10. If you are struggling consider putting to memory and new life verse from one of these Bible Verses regarding temptation

We see things imperfectly because of sin, here's what the Bible teaches about sin

To put it negatively:
Hebrews 13:4; Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. When you have sex outside of marriage, you are defiling the future marriage of that person, even if you end of marrying that person. Sex outside of marriage is adultery and leads to self destruction (Matthew 5:28; Proverbs 6:32).

1 Corinthians 6:18; Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. What-ever you think about the Bible, this is totally true, just ask Google about venereal disease. 1 Corinthians 6:13 - The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

What's the big deal about marriage between a man and woman only?
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband (1 Corinthians 7:2).

Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (Romans 13:13-14)

1 Timothy 1:10 puts sexually immoral those who practice homosexuality in the same category of enslavers, liars, perjurers and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine. In Conclusion: Christians believe in God the Creator of heaven, earth and everything in it. He's character is love, he created man, woman and marriage. We believe God is love and showed us his love by sending Jesus to the cross to die for our sins - paying the price for all the wrongs we have committed in our own bodies and against other people. He has completely paid the price for your sin and mine. Once we've received his grace, forgiveness and healing we know that we are God's children, born again and a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). He has set us on a new path - one that has intersected between you and me - to tell the whole world of his amazing grace and welcome you into his presents.

Jesus invites you to know him personally in John 14:6,7,12-14 "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!...I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"


other links: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
http://www.openbible.info/topics/god_loves_everyone
http://www.openbible.info/topics/sex

Read More ->>