Front doors, our assumptions and how to have a KNOCK mindset

Everyone puts up a front door, some are welcoming, some are scary, some are utilitarian. Connection primer helps leaders first learn the biblical mindset, observe a model conversation, practice one-on-one across perceived differences, and receive specific coaching. The desired outcome is not simply understanding welcome. It is demonstrating curiosity, dignity, mutuality, and continued connection.

Connection Primer: Tell, Show, Let, Coach

Session outcome

By the end of the session, each leader will be able to:

• Recognize assumptions created by appearances.
• Approach someone without pity, envy, favoritism, or superiority.
• Conduct a one-on-one conversation using the KNOCK mindset.
• Identify something to receive from the other person.
• Make a specific commitment to continue the relationship.

Ask:

“If these doors represented people, which would you approach first? Which would you avoid? What story have you already created about the person behind each door?”

Explain:

“The doors represent how people show up, not what they are worth. We naturally rank people by appearance, condition, influence, education, confidence, and usefulness. The gospel teaches us to cross the sidewalk without ranking the person behind the door.”

Biblical foundation

James 1:9–11: Status is reversed

• The person in humble circumstances has a high position in Christ.
• The wealthy person must remember their low position before God.
• Visible circumstances are real, but they do not determine eternal worth.
• Both people need an identity that circumstances cannot provide.

Romans 5:8: Love initiates

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Christ did not wait for us to become presentable before moving toward us.

Romans 15:7: Welcome reproduces grace

“Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you.”

We extend the kind of welcome we have already received.

Define belonging before belief

“Belonging before belief means relational welcome before agreement. It does not mean agreement is unnecessary, truth is unimportant, or boundaries disappear. It means dignity, attention, and relationship are not rewards people must earn by becoming like us.”

Teach the KNOCK mindset

• K: Kill the ranking. Place neither person above the other.
• N: Notice assumptions. Separate what you know from what you inferred.
• O: Offer welcome. Communicate interest without requiring performance.
• C: Come ready to receive. Believe the other person carries something you need.
• K: Keep showing up. Move from a pleasant encounter to a continuing relationship.

Show Model conversation

Leader:
“Thanks for taking a few minutes with me. I realized that I know what you do, but I do not know much about what has shaped you. What has been significant in your life recently?”

Other person:
“Most people assume everything is going well. Work has gone well, but caring for my father has been difficult.”

Leader:
“I would not have known that. What has that season been teaching you?”

Other person:
“It has been teaching me that I cannot control everything. I have had to ask for help.”

Leader:
“That challenges an assumption I had. I thought you were probably the person everyone else depended on. What kind of support would be meaningful to you?”

Other person:
“Honestly, having someone check in without asking me to solve another problem would help.”

Leader:
“I can do that. I would also like to learn more about what you are discovering. Would it be all right if I checked in next week?”
Observation questions


Ask the group:

• Where did the leader avoid ranking?
• What assumption was corrected?
• Which question invited honesty?
• What did the leader receive?
• How did the conversation create a next step?

Behaviors to notice

Mindset ->Observable behavior

• Kill the ranking -> Speaks as an equal
• Notice assumptions -> Admits an incomplete perception
• Offer welcome -> Expresses sincere interest
• Come ready to receive -> Asks what the experience is teaching
• Keep showing up -> Establishes a specific follow-up

3. Let: Practice one-on-one

Time: 10 minutes
Purpose: Let leaders exercise the mindset together in a real conversation.

Pair leaders with someone they know less well. If possible, pair people who differ in age, personality, professional background, culture, life stage, or visible circumstances.

 

Step 1: Name the door

Before beginning, each person privately selects the door that best represents how they currently feel they are showing up. They may explain their choice, but they are not required to disclose anything they wish to keep private.

Step 2: Begin with curiosity

The initiating leader may use one of these questions:
“What is something people might assume about you that is incomplete?”
“What experience is shaping you right now?”
“Where have you experienced unexpected encouragement?”
“What is God teaching you through your present circumstances?”
“What do you wish people would ask instead of assuming?”
“What strength has God developed in you that others may not immediately see?”

Step 3: Listen for the gift

The initiator must identify something they can receive from the other person:
Wisdom
Perspective
Encouragement
Correction
Experience
Prayer
A different way of seeing the situation

This keeps the conversation reciprocal. The other person is not treated as a problem, project, or ministry assignment.

Step 4: Reflect what you heard

Use this pattern:


“What I hear you saying is…”
“Something I respect in your story is…”
“Something I can learn from you is…”

The other person may clarify or correct the reflection.

Step 5: Create a next step

Close with one question:

“What would meaningful connection after today look like?”

Possible next steps include:

• A follow-up conversation
• A prayer check-in
• Sharing a meal
• Attending something important to the person
• Introducing them to another leader
• Serving together
• Practice boundaries

Leaders should not:

• Give advice unless it is requested.
• Correct theology during the exercise.
• Compare the story to their own too quickly.
• Ask for traumatic details.
• Promise confidentiality they cannot maintain.
• Turn the conversation into recruitment or problem-solving.

4. Coach: Reflect and improve

Time: 3 minute
Purpose: Convert experience into repeatable leadership behavior.

Partners first coach each other using the following questions.
Peer-coaching questions

• When did you feel most heard?
• Which question helped you open up?
• Did anything feel assumed, rushed, or overly directive?
• Did the conversation feel mutual?
• What should the leader repeat?
• What is one adjustment that would improve the next conversation?

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God speaks, do you hear it (Heb 4:12, 12:25)?

Years ago a friend said, "God doesn't speak, he's given us his word." His point was there is no revelation beyond the written Word of God. Yet giving Hebrews a read we see Jesus is the ultimate revelation (Hebrews 1:1-4), and Jesus is alive today;

• living to inceded on our behalf (Romans 8:34,Hebrews 7:25)
• Jesus and the Holy Spirit are our advocates with the Father (1 John 2:1, John 14:26)
• Jesus promised the Holy Spirit would give us words to speak (Matthew 10:19, Mark 13:11) 
• from a new heart given when we believed (Ezekiel 11:19,36:26; Jeremiah 31:33; Hebrews 8:10)
• We must be trained to be Godly (1 Timothy 4:7-8, 2 Timothy 3:16)
• careful (Ephesians 5:15) 
• discerning (1 John 4:1,Matthew 7:15-20,2 Corinthians 11:13-15, 2 Peter 2:1, 1 Timothy 4:1)
• years ago I listened to music that had Bible references in the lyrics and I assumed they were from God. These false prophets led me down ungodly paths that nearly took my life. 
• God's Word planted in our heart bring clarity and obedience to God's perfect will (Luke 8:4-21,Acts 17:11)
• guarding our heart (Proverbs 4:23)
• knowing our natural heart is deceptive (Jeremiah 17:9)

For the word of God is living, and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and quick to discern the thoughts and intents of the heart. Heb 4:12

Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking. For if the people of Israel did not escape when they refused to listen to Moses, the earthly messenger, we will certainly not escape if we reject the One who speaks to us from heaven! (Hebrews 12:25 NLT).

For God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it (Job 33:14 NLT)

Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. (1 Peter 4:11)

So why is God speaking to us as we read his Word? I believe it's so that we can know his will for our lives personally, taking corrective action as he guides us to be holy (Heb 12).

“For the Lord God does nothing without revealing his secret to his servants the prophets. (Amos 3:7)

Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds, (Proverbs 27:23)

Heb 12:10-29

But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other (Matthew 25) so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Make sure that no one is immoral or godless like Esau, who traded his birthright as the firstborn son for a single meal. You know that afterward, when he wanted his father’s blessing, he was rejected. It was too late for repentance, even though he begged with bitter tears.

You have not come to a physical mountain, to a place of flaming fire, darkness, gloom, and whirlwind, as the Israelites did at Mount Sinai. For they heard an awesome trumpet blast and a voice so terrible that they begged God to stop speaking. They staggered back under God’s command: “If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned to death.” Moses himself was so frightened at the sight that he said, “I am terrified and trembling.”

No, you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to countless thousands of angels in a joyful gathering. You have come to the assembly of God’s firstborn children, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God himself, who is the judge over all things. You have come to the spirits of the righteous ones in heaven who have now been made perfect. You have come to Jesus, the one who mediates the new covenant between God and people, and to the sprinkled blood, which speaks of forgiveness instead of crying out for vengeance like the blood of Abel.

Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking. For if the people of Israel did not escape when they refused to listen to Moses, the earthly messenger, we will certainly not escape if we reject the One who speaks to us from heaven! When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise: “Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.” This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain.

Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire.

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Faith connected to the renewed mind, brings hope to every situation (2 Cor 10:3-5, Proverbs 21:22,

How to Renew Your Mind and Live with Hope for Every Situation - Bill Johnson Sermon | Bethel Church

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 2 Corinthians 10: 3-5 (NKJV)

A wise man scales the city of the mighty, And brings down the trusted stronghold. Proverbs 21: 22 (NKJV)

• Proverbs 21 is captioned "the LORD Considers the Heart", Proverbs 21:1) the heart placed in God's hands is like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes. 
• Put this together with 1 Corinthians 2:16 & Romans 12:1-3, we get "The renewed mind creates a context for faith, like the banks of a river create a context for the river flowing." - The mind trained by Faith, the ascended life (James 3:13-18). Wisdom comes from heeding God's word and obeying (Jeremiah 23:18). Spirit and mind are sometimes used inter changeably (Isaiah 40:13, Romans 11:34). Our most important responsibility is to what we think about Jesus (Luke 10:22).
• We see ourselves as right, but LORD examines our heart, righteousness and justice please him (Proverbs 21:2-3)
• Sinful: haughty eyes, proud heart and evil action (4), hasty shortcuts, love pleasure (5, 17,20), lying (6), violence, unjust (7), guilty walk a crooked path (8,16) , quarrelsome (9,19), evil desire/wicked/traitor (unmerciful) (10,12,18), scoffer, mocker (11,24), deaf to poor (13), evildoer/worker of iniquity (15), lazy (25), covetous greed (26), wrong motives (27), false witness, bluffs (28,29)
• Wise: good planning, diligent (5), innocent, pure (8), instructed, common sense, thoughtful, virtuous (11,16, 29), just, joyful, godly (15), wealth and luxury (20), follows/pursues righteousness, mercy/unfailing-love (21), conquer/brings down strongholds (22), guarded words (23), benevolent giver (26), credible witness (28), trusts LORD (30), prepared (31)
• Trust is the issue: Mark 10:24 (AMPC), And the disciples were amazed and bewildered and perplexed at His words. But Jesus said to them again, Children, how hard it is for those who trust (place their confidence, their sense of safety) in riches to enter the kingdom of God!
• Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Heb 13:5
• You cannot serve God and money. Matthew 6:24
• For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs...As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. 1 Tim 6:10-17

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11: 6 (NKJV)

The Lord is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble; And He knows those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7 (NKJV), 2 Timothy 2:19-26 shows the results of giving our lives to the Lord. 

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Faith and repentance are made possible by Elijah's dedication to God (1 Kings 17-18)

 1 Kings 17-18

AIM: Being faithful with the small things, leads to faithfulness with the large things

Focus verse:

Then Elijah stood in front of them and said, “How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him! But if Baal is God, then follow him!” But the people were completely silent. - 1 Kings 18:21 

A) God gives prophetic revelation and miracles to bring faith to those he calls

17:1) Elijah to Ahab, God of Israel lives, God I serve, no dew or rain for few years

 - Specific yet general revelation

2-7) LORD to Elijah, go east, hide water enter Jordan, drink, ravens bring food (bread and meat)

8-16) Go, live in a village Zarephath, Sidon, widow instructed yet called by Elijah for food and promised blessing

17-24) widow's son dies and blames Elijah, a man of God, he cries out to God, revived son, which results in faith

 - Specific personal revelation, instruction for faith

Personal testimony: I've encountered specific personal revelation and instruction that has helped many come to faith. 

B) Elijah and his friends obey God, helping Israel see the folly of false Gods and come to repentance

18:1-2) Lord to Elijah 3rd year of drought, present self to Ahab and he did

 - 2b-6) famine severe, Ahab to Obadiah find grass to save livestock, (Obadiah devoted follower of LORD, protected 100 prophets from Jezebel)

7-14) Obadiah sees Elijah, recognized him, and is troubled by the command to tell Ahab, fearing abandonment and death

15-21) Elijah under oath, confronts Ahab - you are the trouble maker, bring 850 false prophets and all Israel to Carmel, to people choose between God or Baal but they were silent

 - Application: Silence comes from ignorance which breeds indecision, which makes us susceptible to falling into the trap of evil people.  

22-40) One man of God outperforms all false prophets in a stunning turnaround. Israel comes to faith in God, face down, and cried out LORD is God.

41-46) Elijah to Ahab might rainstorm coming, seven times Go, look toward the sea a small cloud appears and Lord gave special strength to Elijah going ahead of Ahab to Jezreel

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Heaven is like a wedding feast, you're invited but will you show up? (Matthew 22:1-14)

This week I got to participate in a weekend to remember with Kim. We learned that no marriage is static, we are either moving towards oneness or drifting towards isolation. I discovered my tendency for shallow, cliche, level 1 conversation they defined as "non-sharing." My personality (Enneagram 3) leans towards this. Having renewed my vows yesterday, I'm taking this moment to move from Level 5 phoniness to integrity. Like when I first was married I quit smoking for good, now I quit drinking alcohol for good. I'm grateful to God for friends and circumstances that help me to see which way to go but also when to stop and take in the moment. God invites us to remember his goodness and to be ready to celebrate with him. I've updated my core values, adding sobriety to the list. 

Matthew 22:1-14 has the last of 10 Kingdom of heaven is like parables. Parables of Jesus are primarily about Salvation

1-3)  Kingdom of heaven, king wedding banquet for son, telling invited to come but they refused.

4-7) "it's wonderful and ready" come, yet paid no attention went off; field, business, anti-christ, king enraged destroyed them

8-10) Invited were undeserving, so servants ALL they could find, bad and good filled the hall with guests.

God makes saving faith available to all people, yet some reject it

11-13) Guest without wedding clothes, speechless, thrown out.

Rags to Riches, how the Holy Spirit changes us everyday, remember God becomes like clothing to me (Job 30:18, Matthew 16:24-28)

14) Many invited few are chosen 

(none of those men who were invited [and rejected the offer because they had other things to do] shall taste my banquet Luke 14:24)

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. Luke 14:11

Be careful and guarded against hypocrisy and learned-deception (Matthew 16:1-12)

For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just. Luke 14:14

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See serving people in need as serving God (Matthew 25:31-46)

Matt 25:31-46, Jesus explains how He looks at the service we do. First thing we can do
1) See serving people in need as serving God if as though He has the need. Jesus said "I was hungry and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger and you invited me into your home. I was naked and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you cared for me. I was in prison and you visited me."
2) Physical daily need (food, drink)
3) emotional needs (stranger, a personal invitation in the home - hospitality)
4) naked, giving clothes
5)  sick, met with caring
6) prison, met with visiting

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"We want you here" or do we?

I was at LifeWay books (going out of business) in Burnsville. I was looking for something we could use in SALT at work. I found Thom Rainer's collection of books that are pointed and pithy about being a healthy church.  Got me thinking instead of giving the book, provide testimonials from actual churchgoers multiple times per week.

Healthy things grow, unhealthy things atrophy and die. Atrophy is guaranteed without intentional intervention (https://trustedge.com/)

Thom's resources: http://churchanswers.com/special/, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rainer-on-leadership/id638894745, talks about dying church is inward focused rather than outward focused. Questions to answer:

• Why are we not growing?
• Do we really understand our community?
• Is our congregation spiritually healthy?
• Can our leaders get us there?

Things to communicate:

1. Why we want YOU here

 - To experience the love of Christ (How do we experience the love of Christ in this community? How do we think you could experience this love? Are our traditions hindering sincere love (shake hands, "bless you", "Peace with you also")? Do new people see religious non-sense in our fellowship, preaching or praying?

 - We want to meet your needs (What are your needs? How does our culture look to identify the needs in our community? Do we pray, "give me eyes, Lord"? Do your needs get met with our services? Why or why not?

 - We want YOU to make a positive difference (How do we involve the congregation in ministry? How does the congregation add a positive difference in this place? How do we measure this positive change? How does accountability take place?)

 - We want to get to know you. (How do people get to know each other here? How do I go from unknown to known? How can outsiders share themselves with this church? What do we do when getting to know YOU results in a genuine "we don't like you" attitude (either by the first impression or in the context of a small group).

 - We like you. (why? because God commands us to love unconditionally, even a stranger, even an enemy. The real question to ask is How do we show we like a newcomer? How is our welcome perceived from the outside? How do we share our lives and experience with people we like? Do we really do this with that stranger who comes in alone or with someone else?

2. What to expect from this place (not perfect people)

 - Acceptance and non-judgment rather than discomfort and condemnation. How does our church feel like a place of judgment and condemnation? How could we give a more constructive comparison without compromising truth in scripture? How does my connection with longtime friends hinder the acceptance of new friends? 

 - Grace (Romans 3:23,24) we all fall short but God's grace brings redemption that is in Jesus Christ. How do we dispense God's grace to others? How do communicate this expectation to our congregation? How do we practice "redemptive discipline"? 

3. Why we want to get to know YOU

 - We find YOU interesting. How did you come to this place at this time? How do we find out where you are in your spiritual journey? What happens when we get to know you? How do we follow up and make real connections? How can someone join a small group?

 - To discover commonality. How do we feel when we meet others like us? How does one discover the things we have in common?  How does a person start to get to know others who have something in common (men's group, family, or struggle)?

 - YOU have so much to offer, Your light brings praise to God. How does sharing in the good news of a person life bring praise to our hearts? How does a person get to share their on-going testimony of God's intervention in their life? 

 - New friends, new possibilities. How does knowing someone's talent open the door for something new? How do we get to know peoples talent, desire and bring that out in the open? 

4. What makes this family grow strong

 - Someone intervened in our lives and we've committed to doing the same for others. Matthew 25:34-46

How? 

 - We've been adopted by God our Father. How can we be strong for those who need a father?

 - We model ourselves after His Son Jesus Christ. How can we sacrifice our lives in a life-giving way Romans 12:1-2? 

God's gifts and our commitment are bonded by love (Romans 12:1-21)
     - Ministry makes a difference ONLY when people follow Jesus Christ

 - We trust the promises found in the Bible. How do we demonstrate this trust? 

 - We gather in One Spirit, united by love. How does this really play out in our church? 

5. Getting to know the One who made us

 - Bible, changed lives, worship, answered prayer

 - Parables of Jesus are primarily about Salvation

6. How YOU make a difference with US

Worship empowers serving, serving expresses worship

Become a Bible Study Ninja and learn how to grow in faithfulness to God

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Biblical hospitality, the church is a hospital, we are the church

Main way to grow the church is via Biblical Hospitality

Man plan plunder & tax
God welcome and protect leviticus 19:33-34

God is the first, last and greatest host
Gen 18:2-8, 19:1-8
Job 31:16-23,31-32

Duet 16:10-14

Why don't we practice Biblical Hospitality?
- economic
- buy it, stay at hotels.
- outsourcing, hospitals
- my house is a refuge
- entertain to impress rather than hospitality to bless

Invite yourself over like Jesus did.

1 Peter 4:7-11, show hospitality without grumbling.
Thanks giving us the cure

1 Tim 3:1-7, tell me about a time you showed hospitality
5:3-10, has shown hospitality

Hebrew 13, don't neglect hospitality to strangers.
1. Love

James, 1-2, how to become unstained.
- go to prison,
- we honor the athletes, what about the homeless person

Marks of a Christian Romans 12:13 "contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality."

You tube czeck "embassy of the kingdom of heaven"
- the kingdom of heaven is...my home open to people in need, anytime.

"Do not be afraid, do not fear" 385 times in the Bible

We are ambassadors of the kingdom of heaven.
- ask God for a list of people he wants you to show hospitality to
- simple meal plan, easy crowd-pleasing, sensitive to allergies, restrictions
- ready the home and family,  like Vantrap family. Always pray ahead of time. Prepare with crockpot or instapot. Meat ready to be cooked.

Todd Larson CFAN

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